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This is what happens when I’m left alone…

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Hello all,

My Mrs is away tanning herself in Greece, so I’m left alone to my own devices. Now normally what you’d expect is for me to take the time to write new material and concentrate on productive things to keep my mind from wondering.

A mans mind does crazy things when his Mrs is out of reach. I think at about 4am this morning I was picturing her making love to another man while laughing at a photo of me. I am insane.

So…my album is written and currently being recorded so no productivity needed there. Instead… I’ve built this…

Note the big TV with FIFA, the small portable with TV on, the laptop set up, an Xbox chair, and just out of shot, a bottle of red wine.

While this is somewhat lonely, I bet you fellas are a little bit jealous!

x

Dover Park Primary School Fete…

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Yellow.

I know I’m not renowned in the 4 to 8 year old musical bracket but that is my audience this Friday.

I am playing the Dover Park School Fete at 2pm. It’s my old primary school and my niece and nephew also go there. It’s always nice to give something back. Especially as I basically caused carnage for my 4 years there.

I’m a big fan of the brick work. I became quite pally with it while I stood facing it for almost every break time.

I’m on at 2pm, it’s totally free and it’s all there to support the school.

x

Frank Turner is turning me back into a musician…

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Hello everyone.

I hope you are all very well and happy and smiling and all that stuff.

I’m smashed off my tits on Codeine while listening to Frank Turners new album. That’s not me trying to be rock and roll. I’m genuinely smacked up on painkillers just to be able to breathe properly.

I stupidly played two games of Beach Soccer at the weekend and ended up back at the hospital yesterday. For some reason I believe I am immortal. It simply isn’t the case unfortunately.

I have been told that I’m not allowed to do anything for a minimum of three weeks. I have even been banned from sex by my doctor. I reckon he just threw that in there to piss me off to be honest. Maybe he isn’t getting any and so doesn’t fancy letting anyone else have any either.

“Oh that is a nasty nose bleed. So sex for three weeks”

“Eh?”

Seriously though, I’m not allowed to get out of breath. I wanted to explain that I don’t normally last long enough to lose my breath. But then I figured that since he was holding a pot of my urine, he probably knew enough about me as it was.

Checking my urine for kidney damage. I took quite a smack in the ribs people.

This weekend I am playing a few slots at The Isle of Wight Festival. All I know so far is that I’m playing Friday evening and Saturday evening. I’ll let you know exact times as soon as I have them.

I really should get rehearsing this afternoon. I’ve just done 75 pages of spread sheets in one day so I reckon I’m on a roll.

I might even write something new. Something happy. Something so not like me.

x

Wayals & Italy

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Hey all,

I’m down in Wales this weekend with Tippers and our mate Rich. We’ve come to surprise our old roadie mate Nigel. When we were in the band years ago, this man basically did everything for us. Drove us, cooked for us, kissed us goodnight and tucked us in to bed. You name it, he did it.

What better way to say thanks then to arrive at his house, drunk at 10:30 pm and smash on his front door shouting “Police! Open up boyo! We’ve got some questions we’d like to ask you”.

It could have back fired however when he opened the door with a clenched fist, ready to smash in the first person he saw. That person was me.

If anyone saw this weeks Isle of Wight County Press (www.iwcp.co.uk) you’d have seen a piece about our beach soccer trip to Italy. My club side, Sandown Sociedad are English Champions and are off in June to compete against the top club sides in Europe. I couldn’t have looked more Italian in the photo. Maybe there is something my folks didn’t tell me.

I’ll let you know if the games are on TV.

Be safe people. I’m going to get royally bladdered today. If I die, know I love you. xxx